By Mel Carriere
I like to keep it light here on the Tsunami. Although I deal with some weighty issues, I try to tackle them in a satirical way because, as the late Robin Williams said, "Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with personal trauma."
Alas, there wasn't enough comedy in the world to help Robin deal with his demons, and these days I'm not laughing much either. Don't go all crisis intervention mode on me. I'm not suicidal, I am simply deeply disappointed how people, including letter carriers, so quickly go into mob mentality to drive one of their own out of town with flaming torches and pitchforks. Especially when, in this case, those letter carriers should know better. It also disturbs me to have complete confirmation on what a bunch of muck-raking whores the media are, and how easily people believe those shameless tarts.
And to think at one time in my life I aspired to be a journalist, deluded into thinking the profession was a pillar of truth and integrity. How gratified I am now that I did not pimp myself out to those scoundrels, that instead I am an independent commentator, not being yanked by anybody’s puppet or purse strings.
What I am specifically speaking about is a Facebook post made earlier this month, which shared a televised news report of a mailman spraying a dog behind an allegedly secure fence, allegedly repeatedly. I’m going to use the word allegedly a lot in this post, because I think the lies were thicker than the flies on that steaming pile you just skipped around on your way to the next mailbox. For some reason the story gathered momentum, probably because the report included endearing footage of the alleged victimized animal being lovingly embraced by small children, who allegedly had to be rushed to the emergency room because they allegedly came into contact with the pepper spray that allegedly painted the dog from his furry white ass to the tip of his slimy nose. It was picked up by a lot of networks, even on Spanish speaking news channels.
This is not the first time I have written on the subject of why letter carriers should not be so quick to throw a brother or a sister under the bus when they are caught on Candid Camera doing something that apparently looks bad (See September 21, 2018 edition of the Tsunami). To your credit, a lot of you hard-hearted cynics out there who commented on this post, those of you who aren't suckers for every furry face, came to the carrier's defense. Others, unfortunately, could not wait to blast this mailman with the same dog-repellent he allegedly used to needlessly douse the dog. Here are some of the comments the news report evoked among the letter carrier lynch mob:
He's a scumbag
He's a douche bag
He's a piece of shit
He should be fired
Asshole.
Point me in the direction of this piece of excrement.
As The Smiths Morissey, an artist who as far as I know never pepper-sprayed a dog or any other beast in anger, once sang: Heavy words are so lightly thrown.
These heavy words particularly weigh upon my soul. For once, I am not writing the Tsunami from the isolated sanctuary of my kitchen table, trying to interpret events hundreds or thousands of miles away via the distortions of the cyber medium. For once it hits really close to home. This is because I personally know the clear-headed, intelligent young man who is the alleged perpetrator of these allegedly evil needs. I also know his beautiful young family, whose lives have all been permanently affected by the public outcry and the kickback it has caused.
So I ask all of you angry villagers, so eager to string this young man up, to deprive him of employment and ruin his life, to those of you so evidently hypnotized by touching scenes of allegedly brutalized animals that you even insinuate violence against his person, I ask you Why are you acting this way?
Because postal customers always tell the truth?
Give me a break. Good one. Really?
A few weeks ago, a customer complained to the boss that I neglected to attempt a signature confirmation package at her door, claiming I didn't show up on her doorbell cam. What really happened was that I forgot to take a 3849 with me, so I actually stood there facing that camera, for a couple of minutes, praying that someone would answer. Then I left a notice left slip downstairs in her CBU mailbox, because there was no way I was going to drag my ass up those steps again, cam or no cam. One good thing that came out of it is that I learned I am invisible on camera, like a vampire, which creates the potential to cause all sorts of mischief.
And if I had a peso for every time a box full customer swore they checked their mail every day, and I just had it in for them when I killed their mail after holding it the required ten days, I could buy one of Chapo’s villas and retire comfortably.
Then, lest we forget, every mailman's favorite Customer fabrication, - my dog is never loose, or even better, That's not my dog. Ever heard those doozies?
Still, in your righteous indignation, overwhelmed like Donny Osmond with puppy love, you sit there telling me customer mendacity doesn't apply in this case. I can hear you murmuring all the way over here on the west coast - yes, I can perceive your snarky comments above the crashing of the waves. You're saying Mel - you're one of those indiscriminate, trigger-happy dog sprayers yourself, that's why you're defending the guy.
To which I answer, I have sprayed exactly one dog in my postal career, about 23 years ago. This was an Australian Shepherd, who blinked twice and kept coming. The bitch later fell in love with me. I have that effect on women. Anyhow, ever since then I don't bother. Don't tell my boss but I don't even carry the stuff. Twice I have used my rather Sasquatch-proportioned foot on attacking dogs, because it packs a more powerful punch. I didn’t do it on purpose, it was a reflexive act of defense, but I have to say these snarling beasts slink away like the cowardly little curs they really are inside, after getting my shoe leather lodged up their nostrils.
I have to admit that, in this current case of the pepper-spraying mailman, I too was at first overcome with righteous indignation by what I saw on the news. But then, because the incident strikes so close to home, I became privy to important information about the case by people in the know. The accused letter carrier was not among them. Although I know him personally we have not spoken since the incident. At any rate, his personal account would be naturally biased, and therefore unreliable. I'll just say I got my scoop from a reliable source, someone who is not a friend of the carrier and has no reason to defend him.
After a great deal of soul-searching, I have decided I am not going to disclose the particulars. If details of the postal investigation are supposed to remain secret, I am going to let them remain secret. Furthermore, if I let the cat out of the bag here, no amount of pepper spray will force it back in, and it might lead a damning burnt-orange trail back to yours truly. Let's just say that the information is convincing.
I'm not going to jump out a limb and say the carrier is completely cleared of malfeasance here, because such a claim might come back to bite me in the butt, or at least in the back of the leg, like that little yapping cocker spaniel who got me many years ago. And although I do love poultry, crow meat is pretty gamey. All I’m saying is that there appear to be enough irregularities, enough holes in the dog owner's story, to give this brother the presumption of innocence until the alleged clouds of dog spray mist settle and the mess can be sorted out.
Even if cleared of animal cruelty, and of the alleged respiratory problems of the children in the household, allegedly caused by the repeated pepper sprayings, does this mean the carrier is innocent of all wrongdoing?
Not by a longshot. There was plenty he did wrong, plenty that I would and have done differently. If this really was a problem dog, I would have held the mail. The first time the customer would have to move the mailbox, the second time the customer is done. That’s being generous, because in our district the official policy is that one incident is the death penalty, but I believe in giving everyone a second chance.
Some letter carriers, however, are intimidated by the residents on their route. This is understandable, because in rare cases postal customers can be downright psycho. I make no assertion that this was the case here, but certain mailmen just don’t want to deal with any potential problems. They don’t want the threats and confrontations stopping someone’s mail privileges can cause, so they continue delivering, choosing instead to protect themselves the best way they can. Me, I’m old and ornery, so I don’t care. I have stopped mail for multiple houses, and had the box moved for countless more. Bad things have been flung at me because of it, but I wipe myself off and keep on trucking.
Now about those whores in the media who reported this, all I can say is that it must have been a slow news day, and here was a sensationalistic piece with a tear-jerking angle those TV hounds could really sink their teeth into. Did the so-called newsmen exercise journalistic integrity by waiting until the investigation was over before roundly condemning the letter carrier involved? Hell no. If the mailman in question is eventually exonerated, do you think his vindication will get any air time at all? Hell no. WIll an apology be issued for the disruption in his life their sloppy, unprofessional reporting has caused? Again I say Hell no.
Time will reveal the complete facts of what really went on here. But in the meantime, I admonish you, my beloved readers, to please exercise restraint. Remember all the times you have been falsely accused of something you didn’t do because, if you have spent any length of time as a letter carrier, somebody has already spun a tangled web of lies about you. Think about how you feel when this happens, and Give a brother a break.
See the report yourself here
Postal Tsunami Musical Guest: The Smiths, What Difference Does it Make
Image by Fqugdvin via Wikimedia Commons
